Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
