Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
