Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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