Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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