This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
