There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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