all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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