my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
