I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
