he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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