SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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