Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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