I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
