I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
