i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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