speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
