Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
