I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
