I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
