the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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