I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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