White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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