There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
