Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she smelled like a LAN party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
