The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
