Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
