Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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