my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
