Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't deserve a penis
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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