yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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