Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
