So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh god it's open bar.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
