this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
