All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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