Me. At least after what I've been through.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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