cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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