i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
