Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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