I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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