How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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