So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
