i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She bit a glass in half.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
