respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
