Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were trust falling into bushes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
