I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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