Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
