I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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