i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
