I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
