my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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