Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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