i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
