My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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