I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
