Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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