Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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