When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
