I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
