For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
