There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
