omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
