the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
