so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
