Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He did a backflip because drugs
try to milk me bitch
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