So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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