I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
